Analytical Ignoramus

If you know the definitions of these two words, you'll realize that they contradict one another. Analytical usually refers to dissecting information in order to understand it more accurately and fully, while an ignoramus is someone who is extrememly ignorant. So how can someone who gets into the nitty-gritty of information also be ignorant at the same time? I am living proof of this description. I am also living proof of other derogatory terms such as nincompoop, blind bat, and blockhead, to name just a few.
Alright, let's pretend you have a significant other. And for good measure let's just say that you were married to this significant other, so you were expected to have a tight relationship - and to be honest, you believe that you do. Now, your significant other (let's just call them 'SO') decides that they want to take a vacation with you. Just you, and no one else. What's your first reaction? Here's some options:
1. Whine and complain about getting a break from your hectic life.
2. Whine and complain that you have to go somewhere with only your favorite person in the world.
3. Whine and complain that vacation is not the right choice of what to do right now.
4. Whine and complain and tell SO to stop playing tricks on you.
5. Whine and complain that SO is being selfish.
6. Whine and complain that you shouldn't be punished for anything.
Ok, if you picked any of these options, chances are that SO will be led to believe that you don't love them as much as you say you do. You either have things or people that are more important to you than them, and you don't trust their judgement. Or you don't believe their motives for planning the vacation.
Now you're starting to think, "Duh! Why don't you just get the point! Those are all stupid reactions to SO's behavior towards you - unless you had reason to doubt them!" Let's pretend you have absolutely no reason to doubt their motives whatsoever. The reactions sound even more preposterous now. Why would you try to read into someone's motives if you trusted them?
Most people's reaction would be of happiness and thankfulness - and they would go on the vacation and have a wonderful time getting away from the world and spending time with SO. Am I right? Yes.
Now, back to Analytical Nincompoop Blockhead Blind Bat Ignoramus. Yep, that's me. I have been going through this same story with a very very big SO and yet I have chosen all the wrong reactions. I have tried to figure out why my Heavenly Father would place me in a position in life that does not allow for much interaction with people, or with things, or events, or really much of anything. Am I in trouble - am I getting punished for some sin? Does God not love me? Did He just forget about me, or put me on hold? I have been frantically worrying over my situation, and praying God for a way out of it, and analyzing what I did wrong to get me into it. But over the last few days, God has simply told me that He just wanted to spend time with me, and to allow me to spend more time with Him. When I've griped to Him about not getting enough interaction with other people (because I'm a "people person"), He has quietly asked me, "Am I not relationship enough?" He's not punishing me, He's not forcing me into some trial - He just wants to give me a vacation with Him. What more could I ask for?! Loads of free time to be with my Father, to learn more about Him and in turn learn more about myself! And now that I see the answer to why I'm in this place, I feel so stupid and ignorant - because it's so easy. And I screwed it up for a good while by hyperventilating and worrying.
Since I've come to this realization, I don't want to be out of God's presence. I actually had to force myself to go somewhere tonight and to be with people. I just wanted to stay home and dwell on the character and awesomeness of my Father, and abide in His creation.
I heard a new song tonight that describes my relationship with my Father. It's called "Without You" by Shane and Shane. Here's an excerpt from one of the verses: "Even though I believe / You've taken up a home inside of me / And you'll never leave / I still need to know you're here with me".
Father, don't ever let me whine about spending time with You. On the contrary, keep me yearning for it.