The semester is over. Summer is here. For me, at least. For everyone else on the planet...well, probably not. I have spent the last few days just chilling and enjoying doing things that I didn't get to do whilst in college - reading, writing, exercising, sunbathing...etc. etc. But now I feel like I'm at a standstill.
I'm at a standstill in so many ways - with relationships, with work, with writing (it's taking all my effort just to type this up), with my ambition, and the list goes on. It's not that I don't want to do those things - it's not that I'm apathetic - but I just can't. God has put them all on hold it seems. I want to be running, but I feel like I'm being kept under lock and key. I want my relationships to progress, I want to already be a concert performer, I want to be working. I want to be doing.
I tell myself it's probably just because college life moves so fast and now home life feels so slow in comparison. But I don't think that's the real reason. God has stopped (or not even started to begin with) a lot of things in my life. And I don't know why. All I can do is just wait.
I want to tell God, "Hey, are we on the same time zone? Cause um, I don't have a lot of time. Do you need a new watch?" Now I sound like the impatient whiner...which is what I am most of the time. Those questions are just foolish because God knows what He's doing; He's the author of time.
1 Corinthians 9:24 says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it." Right now I feel like I could sprint a marathon faster than ever, but yet the ground has been taken out from under me so in reality I'm not getting anywhere. I always hated running on treadmills because I never felt like I made any progress...and that's what I feel like right now. I'm like a runner all prepped up to go, muscles tensed, heart pounding, ready for the race - but there's no whistle. And I keep waiting for it, but it never blows. Eventually I tire of being in the ready stance and I become lazy.
But the Bible does not allow for us to become lazy. Mark 13:32-33 says, "But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come." We must be vigilant to always be on the watch for Christ and his return.
The Bible also commands us to wait upon the Lord - implying that there will be times when we will have to wait for Him. When His timing will not coincide with our timing.
Psalm 37:7 says, "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him". Be still. What a hard thing to do when it seems as though the rest of the world is moving fast and you aren't moving at all.
In Hebrews it tells us of our reward if we are patient: "And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through and patience inherit the promises." We will inherit God's promises if we have faith and are patient!! That is something that I can settle for. :)
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Blinders
I always thought that blinders were one of the meanest things you could do to a horse. I mean, you just make them run without letting them see anything except for what's right in front of them? That's no way to go through life - they are trapped in their own little world.
But yet, don't we have blinders of our own - blinders that we willingly strap onto ourselves? Think about it. Why don't we get involved in other people's problems, or why don't we see the beauty of Creation? Lately I have been studying the idea of Individualism, and how it has become something so promoted by the world. "Just be yourself, and don't let anyone or anything define you."
WHAT? Ok, really - does that mean I just don't let anything influence me? I don't build deep enough relationships so that people won't make an impact, because I want to be my own person?!?
Anyways, someone brought up the piercing fact that we don't even notice people in public places, such as grocery stores. That cut me to the heart because I know it's true in my life. We're just blazing through our little mission list, charging with our heads down and cart wheels screeching as we try to get the chore done as fast as possible. It seems almost comical if you can picture it. Why do we do that? Why do we not even look at the people that we pass in the aisle, and only mumble an acknowledgement to the cashier?
The pride and selfishness that is so deeply sewn into our hearts has no problem with whipping up a few blinders to keep us in our own little kingdom. And to be honest, it's really easier to just keep to yourself. Engaging others requires effort. But is it really the better thing to do in the end? Nope. Let me tell you a story.
So the following night after that person made that piercing comment I went - go figure - to Kroger. It probably would have turned out just like any other grocery store dash had I not had that comment stuck in my brain, so I was determined to make it different. I did not come outright and say hello to everyone I saw, but I did smile and acknowledged everyone. My countenance was different than usual when searching for a certain type of cheese. Because of this a man made a comment to me about orange juice. The cashier thought he knew me from somewhere (which was unfortunately not true). And because I noticed everyone in the store, I recognized an old friend from high school, and we were able to talk for a bit. In the end I left Kroger even more happy than I was upon entering it, if that could be possible.
Moral of the story: don't let the blinders ever be strapped to you. Everywhere there are people begging to be noticed, appreciated, acknowledged, etc. If you put effort into people, you'll be the better off for it. And Kroger's not such a bad place after all. :)
But yet, don't we have blinders of our own - blinders that we willingly strap onto ourselves? Think about it. Why don't we get involved in other people's problems, or why don't we see the beauty of Creation? Lately I have been studying the idea of Individualism, and how it has become something so promoted by the world. "Just be yourself, and don't let anyone or anything define you."
WHAT? Ok, really - does that mean I just don't let anything influence me? I don't build deep enough relationships so that people won't make an impact, because I want to be my own person?!?
Anyways, someone brought up the piercing fact that we don't even notice people in public places, such as grocery stores. That cut me to the heart because I know it's true in my life. We're just blazing through our little mission list, charging with our heads down and cart wheels screeching as we try to get the chore done as fast as possible. It seems almost comical if you can picture it. Why do we do that? Why do we not even look at the people that we pass in the aisle, and only mumble an acknowledgement to the cashier?
The pride and selfishness that is so deeply sewn into our hearts has no problem with whipping up a few blinders to keep us in our own little kingdom. And to be honest, it's really easier to just keep to yourself. Engaging others requires effort. But is it really the better thing to do in the end? Nope. Let me tell you a story.
So the following night after that person made that piercing comment I went - go figure - to Kroger. It probably would have turned out just like any other grocery store dash had I not had that comment stuck in my brain, so I was determined to make it different. I did not come outright and say hello to everyone I saw, but I did smile and acknowledged everyone. My countenance was different than usual when searching for a certain type of cheese. Because of this a man made a comment to me about orange juice. The cashier thought he knew me from somewhere (which was unfortunately not true). And because I noticed everyone in the store, I recognized an old friend from high school, and we were able to talk for a bit. In the end I left Kroger even more happy than I was upon entering it, if that could be possible.
Moral of the story: don't let the blinders ever be strapped to you. Everywhere there are people begging to be noticed, appreciated, acknowledged, etc. If you put effort into people, you'll be the better off for it. And Kroger's not such a bad place after all. :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Playing it Safe
As I have gotten older, everyone asks me - "So what's your game plan? What do you intend to do with your life?" A year ago, when I told them that I was going to major in Vocal Performance, they replied (after first having a suppressed look of shock and disdain): "Well what do you want to do with that after college??" I always answered back with some form of teaching, or grad school...you know, the usual answers. I knew I had already lost them by my major choice. (And by "them", I don't mean any specific group of people; it's pretty much everyone I come into contact with). I didn't dare tell them what I really wanted to do: Perform. In any way possible in order that Christ was given glory, and to proclaim his name through music throughout all the earth. I knew I would've gotten an interrogation as to how I was going to go about doing that.
Now that I've finished my first year of college (and my Vocal Performance major still intact), I have many more "outlandish" goals of what I want to do with my life. I believe I shall never tell anyone of many of them, because I would only be brought down by the "money talk" or the "God's will talk". I have no want of money, except to complete my ambitions and to stay alive, and since all of my goals are ministry-oriented, I believe that they all are from God.
But why am I interrogated so on my future? Those who major in Business, or Education, or something otherwise respectable, do not receive such talks (or at least not at this intensity).
This is a result of what I call the "playing it safe" life plan. Since I do not possess this plan, I freak out others who cling to it tightly. They fear for me even though I do not fear for myself.
So what does this plan entail? Let me list of some characteristics: lack of faith and trust in God, fear, worry, lack of perspective, love of worldly things, apathy, and probably many others, but these are just a few. Not all of these characteristics are present in everyone's "playing it safe" plan, but many of them are.
I believe that many people have worried about my life a great deal more than I have. And I do not believe that is because I am naive to the world, but rather that I know that God will bring me in, through, and out of any circumstance. I know full well that I may not get a job after college, and I could literally become someone who lives on the streets someday. But so could someone who is obtaining a mechanical engineering degree. Someone told me once that "safety is an illusion" - which is so true. Luke 12:22-40 says:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
Now that I've finished my first year of college (and my Vocal Performance major still intact), I have many more "outlandish" goals of what I want to do with my life. I believe I shall never tell anyone of many of them, because I would only be brought down by the "money talk" or the "God's will talk". I have no want of money, except to complete my ambitions and to stay alive, and since all of my goals are ministry-oriented, I believe that they all are from God.
But why am I interrogated so on my future? Those who major in Business, or Education, or something otherwise respectable, do not receive such talks (or at least not at this intensity).
This is a result of what I call the "playing it safe" life plan. Since I do not possess this plan, I freak out others who cling to it tightly. They fear for me even though I do not fear for myself.
So what does this plan entail? Let me list of some characteristics: lack of faith and trust in God, fear, worry, lack of perspective, love of worldly things, apathy, and probably many others, but these are just a few. Not all of these characteristics are present in everyone's "playing it safe" plan, but many of them are.
I believe that many people have worried about my life a great deal more than I have. And I do not believe that is because I am naive to the world, but rather that I know that God will bring me in, through, and out of any circumstance. I know full well that I may not get a job after college, and I could literally become someone who lives on the streets someday. But so could someone who is obtaining a mechanical engineering degree. Someone told me once that "safety is an illusion" - which is so true. Luke 12:22-40 says:
"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
35 “Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, 36 like servants waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. 37 It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes.Truly I tell you, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. 38 It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the middle of the night or toward daybreak. 39 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. 40 You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.”
We do not know when we will die - so why not live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord? No matter how much we worry over our lives, we will not add a single hour to them. Verse 31 says to seek God's kingdom first, and everything will be given to you. Our perspective must always be for Christ and His Kingdom, and for His final return.
I am not meaning to bash those who "play it safe" - but rather open their eyes to a new freedom that comes from being a Christian! Those who are in Christ should be the most free with their time, money, health, relationships - because they understand that none of it was theirs to begin with!!
In the Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis writes about Aslan, "He's not safe, but He's good." That is what a life with Christ is like!!! We will not always feel safe and secure, but if we hand our lives over to Him He will take us places that we never dreamed of going to! We don't have to make sure that everything is in place; that we're choosing the right career, making enough money, marrying the right person - because He will allow everything to fall in place in His correct timing!! It's like choosing between having to drive a dingy little car the same small route everyday, or hopping into the back seat of a limousine with the most accredited chauffeur in the driver's seat. Do you want to be the one constantly stressing that your car won't make it each day through your boring route? Or do you want to trust the limo driver even though you can't always see where He's going? Trust me, the limo driver will take you down roads you didn't know existed and show you things you never could have even imagined.
At nine years old, I never thought I'd be going to an amazing private Christian college for Vocal Performance (and actually be able to afford it). But that was when the Lord gave me the ambition to sing and perform for Him, and since then He's opened all the doors for me. I trust Him that He will continue to do that. Now I'm just someone who wants to give something of the gifts that I've been given back to the Giver; not because I feel like I ought to, but because I want to. And it sure hasn't felt comfortable and easygoing the whole time, but it has been excellent and good and glorious - because I'm fulfilling who God has called me to be.
The Christian walk isn't about making sure that we've taken each step properly according to somebody's definition; it's about giving God the reins and just hopping along for the ride, however crazy it might get - because He's not a tame Lion.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Actively Passive
I love paradoxes. They are the story of salvation.
Tonight I heard the statement, "Jesus fixes all our problems when we trust Him, and then we can just enjoy life." We don't have to try to enjoy life - we just do when we focus on trusting Him with everything.
I love analogies as well. I'm going to use one right now.
As a vocalist, we have to be actively passive. In other words, we have to choose to be passive.
Our diaphragm is one of the main muscles that allows for breath flow within a phrase. It is attached to the bottom of the lungs and regulates how much air is being let out. The funny thing about the diaphragm though is that in order for it to work properly, it must relax. When you sing, you are not working that muscle, but rather letting it go free.
The problem is that when we sing we don't trust our diaphragm to regulate us throughout a phrase, and so we tense up and hold on to our breath - which only makes us lose it. But when we focus on letting the diaphragm do its job, then everything falls into place. Even though it feels like we're not in control anymore, we feel such a sense of freedom because something else is in control and all we have to do is trust it and come along for the ride.
Now you can see where this is going.
Jesus Christ is our diaphragm. He is our anchor that guides us through life, if we would only trust him. When we take our eyes off of Him like Peter did, and see the winds and waves of this world, we become fearful and we try to find refuge in our own strength - only to fail again. Matthew 10:39 says, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Our life is not our own, and freedom will only come through conscious surrender.
And even though giving our life over to Christ may seem like a rollercoaster, if we trust Him it'll turn out to be the best ride we've ever ridden. He may not "fix our problems" like how we expect - but that's the fun of it. Just like the diaphragm, we must dive off into the abyss and trust Him to carry us through. Just don't be surprised when He takes you someplace you could've never even imagined. :)
Tonight I heard the statement, "Jesus fixes all our problems when we trust Him, and then we can just enjoy life." We don't have to try to enjoy life - we just do when we focus on trusting Him with everything.
I love analogies as well. I'm going to use one right now.
As a vocalist, we have to be actively passive. In other words, we have to choose to be passive.
Our diaphragm is one of the main muscles that allows for breath flow within a phrase. It is attached to the bottom of the lungs and regulates how much air is being let out. The funny thing about the diaphragm though is that in order for it to work properly, it must relax. When you sing, you are not working that muscle, but rather letting it go free.
The problem is that when we sing we don't trust our diaphragm to regulate us throughout a phrase, and so we tense up and hold on to our breath - which only makes us lose it. But when we focus on letting the diaphragm do its job, then everything falls into place. Even though it feels like we're not in control anymore, we feel such a sense of freedom because something else is in control and all we have to do is trust it and come along for the ride.
Now you can see where this is going.
Jesus Christ is our diaphragm. He is our anchor that guides us through life, if we would only trust him. When we take our eyes off of Him like Peter did, and see the winds and waves of this world, we become fearful and we try to find refuge in our own strength - only to fail again. Matthew 10:39 says, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Our life is not our own, and freedom will only come through conscious surrender.
And even though giving our life over to Christ may seem like a rollercoaster, if we trust Him it'll turn out to be the best ride we've ever ridden. He may not "fix our problems" like how we expect - but that's the fun of it. Just like the diaphragm, we must dive off into the abyss and trust Him to carry us through. Just don't be surprised when He takes you someplace you could've never even imagined. :)
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Poetic interpretations of my paradoxical ironic life
Since I also have been writing songs for the past half of my life, I thought I would post some up here. Only when it is the appropriate occassion of course.
This song is called "Pity Party Kick-off" - and yes, it is supposed to be satirical. It makes me laugh at myself when I like to grumble in my little closet of doom and gloom. If performed, it would be accompanied by a 300 year-old violin that is out of tune with itself, and the occasional scrape of nails on a blackboard choked with chalk. Enjoy.
It's like lemonade that's only sour
Being sweaty and nasty without a shower
It's like being stuck in traffic during rush hour
And being in a house without power
Turn the lights off
Bring the thunderclouds on
It's my pity-party kick-off
Anybody wanna come?
We'll drink from our tears
Hey maybe this one will last for years
But let's not be optimistic
Cause it's the law of physics
That what goes up must come down
It's the story of my life I've found
This song is called "Pity Party Kick-off" - and yes, it is supposed to be satirical. It makes me laugh at myself when I like to grumble in my little closet of doom and gloom. If performed, it would be accompanied by a 300 year-old violin that is out of tune with itself, and the occasional scrape of nails on a blackboard choked with chalk. Enjoy.
It's like lemonade that's only sour
Being sweaty and nasty without a shower
It's like being stuck in traffic during rush hour
And being in a house without power
Turn the lights off
Bring the thunderclouds on
It's my pity-party kick-off
Anybody wanna come?
We'll drink from our tears
Hey maybe this one will last for years
But let's not be optimistic
Cause it's the law of physics
That what goes up must come down
It's the story of my life I've found
Friday, March 16, 2012
NOTHING/EVERYTHING
I am Nothing.
Easy to say, hard to believe.
I have no part or share in my salvation.
I cannot fulfill anything on my own.
I am of no matter or significance.
I have no value, worth, or meaning.
God is Everything.
Easy to say, hard to believe.
He contains the entirety of the universe.
He is a great deal, something extremely important.
Nothing finds its ultimate fulfillment in Everything.
Eternity will never outlive Everything and everything that Everything lives and stands for.
Everything cannot help but encompass and surround Nothing.
Therefore, Nothing now becomes Something through the grace of having Everything present in its life.
Easy to say, hard to believe.
I have no part or share in my salvation.
I cannot fulfill anything on my own.
I am of no matter or significance.
I have no value, worth, or meaning.
God is Everything.
Easy to say, hard to believe.
He contains the entirety of the universe.
He is a great deal, something extremely important.
Nothing finds its ultimate fulfillment in Everything.
Eternity will never outlive Everything and everything that Everything lives and stands for.
Everything cannot help but encompass and surround Nothing.
Therefore, Nothing now becomes Something through the grace of having Everything present in its life.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Stagnation = Gross; Separation; Illusion
According to dictionary.com, the word "stagnation" has several meanings. The first is, "having stopped, as by ceasing to run or flow"; another is, "a foulness or staleness, as one emanating from a standing pool of water". Another appropriate definition is: "a failure to develop, progress, or advance."
When I think of the word, "stagnation", I typically think of stagnant water - and how gross that is so I usually quit thinking about it after a few seconds. But today I have forced myself to maintain my thoughts on that unpleasant subject. What causes the stagnation? If it is a ceasing to flow, then what causes that cease?
The most common way for water to stop flowing is for something to be blocking its passage. Because of the blockage, the water loses its movement and energy and therefore starts building up bacteria that creates that nasty odor. Yay, Biology.
So how does this apply to life, you say? I have been experiencing what I believe to be stagnation in my life for some time now. I haven't had anything new and exciting pop up, or experienced some recent trauma, so what is the Lord doing with my life? I know that I'm a Christian, but I don't necessarily have a burning fire about to explode inside me 24/7. I'm in a second-semester slump where I don't really want to keep doing school, but I don't really want to go back home either because I will miss all the people from college. I go to church and listen to the messages, but none of them really move and change me. I want to be revitalized in my calling but I don't know how.
When you feel such a sort of separation from God, your first instinct should be to ask the question, "What is causing this stagnation?" Is there some build-up in my life (SIN) that is keeping me at a distance from my Lord? For sin is what caused the gap in the first place.
In my case, I do not believe there is one (or many) overarching sins that are bringing down my relationship with my Father. So why do I still feel like the Lord's not actively involved in my life everyday? Why do I feel as though I'm getting older but not growing?
I believe that every child of God goes through times like these. The thought to maintain during these times is that stagnation is an illusion. The Lord has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
One of my favorite passages from any of the Chronicles of Narnia books is from The Horse and His Boy. Aslan is conversing with Shasta for the first time, and the boy is telling Aslan how it was so terrible to meet so many lions along his journey - and Aslan tells Shasta that there was only one lion. Shasta asks, "How do you know?". Aslan replies, "I was the lion. I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
Even though it seems like God is not involved or at work in our lives at times, He always is there, even if it is in the sneakiest of ways - or we are just blind to it all. :)
Yesterday I was taking a nap outside and I happened to get a slight sunburn on the caput longum and caput laterae in the tricipitus brachii area of my left arm. Yes, specifics are important (and apparently so is Biology today). Someone asked me if I had put on sunscreen before, and I said no. The sun wasn't too hot, and I rarely ever burn, and I'm pretty sure I've never actually owned sunscreen in my life before. Anyways, (this is going somewhere, trust me), what was interesting was that I never really felt the sun on that certain area of my arm, or anywhere on my body really. It wasn't like I was constantly feeling the sun schorching and searing my skin over a 40-minute time period.
But nevertheless, it was there wasn't it? The sun didn't just come out one second, zap my tricep, and then disappear again, did it? No, of course not. The sun was there the whole time, shining brightly and doing its thing, and I was well unaware of the affect it was having on my arm. I actually didn't even realize that I had the burn until a friend pointed it out to me. And sure enough, it was significantly hotter and pinker than the rest of my skin. I would've taken a picture of it, but it's kinda hard to angle a camera at that part of your arm, you know? Oh the troubles I go through.
Anyways, the point of this analogy is to show that even though we may not feel it, God is constantly working in us, to will and to work for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). He may be starting a fire in a way such that we won't begin to feel the heat until it has already ignited and takes hold of our very being.
Sanctus Real has a song called, "Whatever You're Doing", and the title implies that the author doesn't really know what God is doing in his life, but as the chorus says: "It's hard to surrender to what I can't see / But I'm giving into something Heavenly." Most of the time we cannot understand what God has in store for us, and we never fully will until we reach paradise.
Stagnation occuring in water is simply gross. Stagnation can also be misread as a separation from God which is caused by our sin. If it is neither of these two areas, stagnation is an illusion. The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you, and the Holy Spirit is and will always be at work within you. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 says, "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
And with that, I'll leave you to your work, Lord Jesus!
When I think of the word, "stagnation", I typically think of stagnant water - and how gross that is so I usually quit thinking about it after a few seconds. But today I have forced myself to maintain my thoughts on that unpleasant subject. What causes the stagnation? If it is a ceasing to flow, then what causes that cease?
The most common way for water to stop flowing is for something to be blocking its passage. Because of the blockage, the water loses its movement and energy and therefore starts building up bacteria that creates that nasty odor. Yay, Biology.
So how does this apply to life, you say? I have been experiencing what I believe to be stagnation in my life for some time now. I haven't had anything new and exciting pop up, or experienced some recent trauma, so what is the Lord doing with my life? I know that I'm a Christian, but I don't necessarily have a burning fire about to explode inside me 24/7. I'm in a second-semester slump where I don't really want to keep doing school, but I don't really want to go back home either because I will miss all the people from college. I go to church and listen to the messages, but none of them really move and change me. I want to be revitalized in my calling but I don't know how.
When you feel such a sort of separation from God, your first instinct should be to ask the question, "What is causing this stagnation?" Is there some build-up in my life (SIN) that is keeping me at a distance from my Lord? For sin is what caused the gap in the first place.
In my case, I do not believe there is one (or many) overarching sins that are bringing down my relationship with my Father. So why do I still feel like the Lord's not actively involved in my life everyday? Why do I feel as though I'm getting older but not growing?
I believe that every child of God goes through times like these. The thought to maintain during these times is that stagnation is an illusion. The Lord has promised that he will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
One of my favorite passages from any of the Chronicles of Narnia books is from The Horse and His Boy. Aslan is conversing with Shasta for the first time, and the boy is telling Aslan how it was so terrible to meet so many lions along his journey - and Aslan tells Shasta that there was only one lion. Shasta asks, "How do you know?". Aslan replies, "I was the lion. I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
Even though it seems like God is not involved or at work in our lives at times, He always is there, even if it is in the sneakiest of ways - or we are just blind to it all. :)
Yesterday I was taking a nap outside and I happened to get a slight sunburn on the caput longum and caput laterae in the tricipitus brachii area of my left arm. Yes, specifics are important (and apparently so is Biology today). Someone asked me if I had put on sunscreen before, and I said no. The sun wasn't too hot, and I rarely ever burn, and I'm pretty sure I've never actually owned sunscreen in my life before. Anyways, (this is going somewhere, trust me), what was interesting was that I never really felt the sun on that certain area of my arm, or anywhere on my body really. It wasn't like I was constantly feeling the sun schorching and searing my skin over a 40-minute time period.
But nevertheless, it was there wasn't it? The sun didn't just come out one second, zap my tricep, and then disappear again, did it? No, of course not. The sun was there the whole time, shining brightly and doing its thing, and I was well unaware of the affect it was having on my arm. I actually didn't even realize that I had the burn until a friend pointed it out to me. And sure enough, it was significantly hotter and pinker than the rest of my skin. I would've taken a picture of it, but it's kinda hard to angle a camera at that part of your arm, you know? Oh the troubles I go through.
Anyways, the point of this analogy is to show that even though we may not feel it, God is constantly working in us, to will and to work for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). He may be starting a fire in a way such that we won't begin to feel the heat until it has already ignited and takes hold of our very being.
Sanctus Real has a song called, "Whatever You're Doing", and the title implies that the author doesn't really know what God is doing in his life, but as the chorus says: "It's hard to surrender to what I can't see / But I'm giving into something Heavenly." Most of the time we cannot understand what God has in store for us, and we never fully will until we reach paradise.
Stagnation occuring in water is simply gross. Stagnation can also be misread as a separation from God which is caused by our sin. If it is neither of these two areas, stagnation is an illusion. The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you, and the Holy Spirit is and will always be at work within you. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 says, "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
And with that, I'll leave you to your work, Lord Jesus!
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